hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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