My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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