Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
