it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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