I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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