So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
