We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
