Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
