Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
