Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
