Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
