So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
