She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
