I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
