Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
