I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My ATM looks so different sober.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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