its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your penis caused this!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
