just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
