he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize