moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
