Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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