How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
