roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
how does that bad decision feel?
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