my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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