I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
cat food counts as protein by the way
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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