nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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