fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
