Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
