I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
