2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
