Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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