your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize