You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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