I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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