she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
