we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
