Buhtt sex?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
