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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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