The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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