Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
