even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
