You smell like a Billy Joel song
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
