I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
