I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
