Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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