i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
