sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize