he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
