At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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