you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
