There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I AM VODKA MAN
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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