I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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