You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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