i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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