Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
