Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
