He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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