i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
