this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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