I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
