nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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