I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
