: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
