it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
