you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
