I need help removing her.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
