I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
