hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
