my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
