forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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