i already hear my dad disowning me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
