They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
