i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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